Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
