he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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