Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
