I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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