I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
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Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now