I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities