Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...