And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
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Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.