We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
