Your face is a jimmy john
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize