You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
