it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
