do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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