Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Swine flu. Run for my life!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
