Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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