apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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