Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
