That's when you crack a 10am beer
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
