i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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