He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
