There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
