The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
