She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
