Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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