God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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