Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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