So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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