haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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