My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Blood and glitter go together right?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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