Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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