the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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