Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
