also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
