We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
