That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We're too hungover to prance.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
