at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
