pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
