Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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