My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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