angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
