Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
