All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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