remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The Olympian is in my bed
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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