A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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