i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
