Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
