Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
