I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
where are my eyebrows?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
