Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
