what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
