if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Maybe he injected his testicle?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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