Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
