i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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