tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
