Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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