My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
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She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?