my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement