I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
