his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ketchup is God's man juice
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe