UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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