i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
