I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
