my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
