Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
