When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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