I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
