That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
