i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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