I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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