I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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