if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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